'To do' list Dec 16th

- Stop looking online to buy peoples Christmas presents (they won’t arrive in time now)
- Eat tomorrows advent chocolate today because today’s tasted like ‘doggy’ chocolate
- Watch ‘Loose Women Christmas Crackers’ without driving a screwdriver through my eye socket
- Try to get to the bottom of why a steel band is playing on Oxford St at this time of year?
- Observe the cunning of the ‘orange’ women in department stores, as they fleece men of their money, by telling them ‘their girlfriends will leave them’ if they didn’t part with £100, for a pipette sized amount of the essence of Tree Sloath
- Restrain from hitting smug people who say ‘Oh, I did all my shopping in November…online’ really hard in the face.
- Convince myself I love eating dates at ‘this time of year’
- Order some meat? Isn’t that what people are supposed to do?
- Go into Threshers – Enjoy the calm; have a good look around
- Stop putting off the inevitable! Tell the family that I’m not going home for Christmas dinner. Swerve the truth. Don't say things like - ‘it’s always toss’ or 'when you where choosing me this shit present, what was going through your mind?' and 'Jazz? Do I look like I'm in Blazin' Squad?'
- Try not to stay out too late to avoid seeing pigeons feasting on the vomit left behind by people after their Christmas parties. ‘Whoops, someone’s had ti many martooni’s’
- Continue growing the Christmas moustache . Think tomorrow will be decission time - Magnum or Stalin?